Fanfiction that has no name and came to me in the shower while shaving
by Basic-Hater
Summary: Sollux has issues. Mituna is Mituna. Life isn't always your friend.
1. Ms R-something

So I would give some sort of excuse as to why the name is what it is but there are none. That is seriously how the story idea came to me.

"It's not my fault."

"It's not my fault."

"The gun wasn't in my hands."

"The...I can't say that." The blonde woman sitting at the desk across from Sollux doesn't force it, she simply nods and writes something down on her paper in looping lilac script. Sollux knows her handwriting and her favorite color of pen because she writes a report back to his dad about the session every time they meet. He always reads them, they almost never make it to his father. Sollux see's this woman once a week and during they try to trudge through his inner demons. He can almost never remember the woman's name. It begins with an R he thinks, it doesn't matter really. He likes this woman. She never pushes him too hard, and if he needs to vent or just wants to sit and dwell she lets him. They talk about Aradia, Mituna, and sometimes they talk about his other dad. Today was a Dad day.

Sollux and his brother, Mituna, had both been adopted and had two gay dads. Sollux came from korea and Mituna had come from somewhere in Ontario. When Sollux had turned four, Tuna was seven, one of his dads was shot to death while walking home from going running. Ever since then he felt as if there was something that he could have done to save him, of course there wasn't anything that he could've done. It took Sollux a second to notice that he had gazing over the woman's head at the wall behind her, thinking. Finally, he brought his eyes down to meet her and saw that she was staring directly at him, a quizzical look on her face.

"What are you thinking about, Sollux?'

"That night, when we found out."

"Would you mind sharing with me?" The pen tip was poised over the paper, she was ready to write down every word that was about to spill out of his mouth.

"I remember that it was raining...Me and Mituna were watching a movie I think, dad was making some kind of sweet concoction…" The memory came rushing back to him in a feeling of warmth and the start of a migraine.

"The phone rang and it was a police officer, obviously. I don't know what he said but I do remember the sound of a pie pan hitting the floor plus the gasp of my dad. When the officer got off the phone all three of us were forced to rush to the hospital. They said that he was clinging to life."

Sollux had cast his eyes down to worn grey of his jeans where his fingers were twisting around each other quickly, if he didn't stop soon they would get rubbed raw. Quickly he drew a shaky breath and looked back at the spot behind Ms. R-something's head. "He died 20 seconds after we got into the room. I saw him stop breathing. I HEARD the last breath. The death rattle." His voice dips down to a coarse whisper, his heart hurt, his head hurt, and his eyes were starting to ache. The rest of the session was spent in silence.

Finally when the end of their time together was over he didn't say goodbye when leaving through the door she held open. "See you next week sollux. Please take sometime to yourself, relax."

Sollux was halfway down the hall when he nodded in response, she always asked him to relax and he never did. He spent most of his spare time in his dark bedroom only lit by the pale blue light of his gaming rig. Sollux jogged out of the building to the car where his dad and brother were waiting for him. "Hey Solbee." His dad greeted him with a faux happy tone. The tone kept Mituna fooled and it was just the way his dad talked these days. The car ride home would've been peaceful if not for Mituna's senseless ramblings that both Sollux and his dad nodded to and pretended to listen. They rarely ever actually listened these days, besides there wasn't much to listen to anymore now that Tuna's brain was breaking, more, and more every single day.

Finally, they turned into the driveway and Sollux was able to break away from the car to slip into his room. When he entered the room a sense of comfort began to ebb at him. The room was his safe haven, the place where he could just scream and no one would come running with a bottle of mood-stabilizers in hand. The room was a complete mess with clothes littering the floor and half empty energy drinks on every flat surface, though Sollux remembers when the room was a spotless place he also remembers why it's not anymore. He suddenly isn't in the mood to remember any more….

well. first chapter done. I have no clue if I should even continue because really no one still writes Fanfictions for Homestuck anymore.


	2. Microwavable chicken nuggets

Well here it is. The second chapter of the only serious fanfiction that I have managed to continue

and actually enjoy writing. I hope that I can make this chapter longer than the one before it. :) OH!

I decided that the still living dad's name is Arthur!

Sollux didn't know when he fell asleep but there he was, groaning and waking up. His

head was pounding and, much to his own dismay, he had fallen asleep with his bi-colored

glasses still perched on his angular nose. The room seemed darker than usual which most likely

meant that night had fallen outside of his messy haven. Once he had successfully dragged

himself out of his tangle of blankets he called a bed, his stomach let out a neglected groan.

"Yeah yeah I hear you…." He pulled his glasses off and rubbed his strained eyes before reaching

for his pair of actual glasses. They were square and black, not too hideous but of course there

was the problem of his eye color and not wanting ANYONE to see them. Sollux has something

called heterochromia, it made his eyes different colors and he wanted nothing more than to hide

that fact.

Sollux padded, as silently as he could because if he woke Mituna there would no sleep for

anyone, down the hall to the bathroom so that he could shower the feeling of sleeping in clothes

away. The hall bathroom wasn't as messy as his room was, but would never be as clean as his

dad's room or office. There was bubble bath bottles on the edge of the tub and one on the floor,

Mituna's toothbrush had been carelessly tossed to the side of the sink into a small puddle of

water mixed with handsoap. Sollux shed his clothing and turned the water as hot as it would go,

while he waited for the water to heat, he took a moment to look at himself in the smudged mirror.

Blue (left) and green (right) eyes, dark black hair, skin that was pale both because of his

lack of sunlight and his unknown heritage, a body that was all angles and sharp edges. All he

saw were things that he wished that he could change. Sollux knew that if he told his therapist, he

remembered that her name was Rose, she would just have a complete field day.

Soon enough the mirror was cloudy with fog and Sollux knew that the water had reached

exactly where he wanted it to be, so he stepped into the scalding water. He liked the water to be

so hot because that's the only way he felt clean, if the water was so hot that it made his fingers

and toes numb that was a good place for him. He stood among the steam and the water and,

without him really noticing, a fond memory of his recently deceased girlfriend invaded his numb

brain. It was a sweet memory, it really was, but after a day of opening up to a woman who he

hardly knew who sat in that room and listened to people bitch all day for a living it was extremely

unwelcome.

It had been summer time, she had pulled him out of his cave to go on a walk around the

local park with her. He can still remember how soft she was, the way she smelt (Like home and

cinnamon), and the tone of her voice. Her name was Aradia and she was one of the only

reasons that he went outside and hadn't dropped out school like he had been recently thinking

about. They had been together for a few years, Sollux thought that she was the girl he could

spend the rest of his life with. But fate had other plans. It decided that she would just drop off the

face off the earth. She had been missing for a month before people stopped looking, her name

began to be whispered in hush sad tones. It nearly broke Sollux in half. He couldn't eat, he

couldn't sleep, he just laid and in his bed and let himself wither. It's only recently that he has been

able to actually do things somewhat normally. The thought of her makes his eyes fill with tears.

Sollux swats the tears off his cheeks and clears his throat, "Get it the fuck together,

captor. Come on!" His eyes burn and the water is losing its once pleasant skin numbing effect.

Sollux shuts the water off before clambering out and draping his skinny frame in a soft towel. He

dresses himself, then decides to find something to soothe the ache in his stomach. He settles

upon some microwavable chicken nuggets to drench in honey. The food eases the pain in his

stomach, but he doesn't know if anything will fix the pain in his head and heart. Sollux eats at a

snail's pace, feeling the food on his tongue and sliding down his throat. It's such a normal feeling,

so much more normal than he's had in quite sometime. Suddenly, it all came crashing down

around him, all the feelings he didn't want to feel are consuming him and making him feel like

complete and utter crap.

His dad is dead, his girlfriend is missing, and his older brother is brain-dead. It all makes

him want to scream, to cry, he's confused and hurt. Sollux lets the tears go and soon his soft

weeping has turned into gut wrenching sobs, he knows that has probably woken up his father

and his brother but at this point he doesn't honestly care. Sollux sits there and cries, letting the

tears drain his energy from him. Arthur had been woken up by the sobs, worried by them he

hurries down to the kitchen and frowns when he see's his youngest son crying into a plate of

cold chicken nuggets.

"Hey there…" He slides into the seat next to Sollux. Arthur knows how the boy feels, he felt the

same way after his husband died, after Mituna's accident happened.

"Why're you up, Solbee? Last time I looked into your room you were out cold.."

"I needed a shower." Sollux's voice is raspy and worn. Arthur stands up and gently pulls the chair

that sollux is sitting in out, he scoops him up in his arms and heads for the stairs. Its easy

enough for Arthur to lift both of the boys so he carries him into his room.

"Goodnight Solbee...It'll be okay. I promise." Softly he sets Sollux down on his bed and gently

kisses his forehead. "I love you, son." Arthur exits the room and softly closes the door, leaving

Sollux to his thoughts…

I RAN OUT OF IDEAS NEAR THE END THERE :'(( Anywho, have a slightly rushed chapter 3

Woo, I promise that I'll start the third chapter tonight 3 Off to prepare for my Pre-AP english

test...


	3. Fish dick or Stoner clown

_**Okay! So I know that I said that the new chapter would be up in like a day but things just got away from me...And I'm also incredibly lazy, so thanks for sticking around I guess, also, I'm sorry about the length of the chapters. I usually write the chapters when I have free time in class but there were hella tests this week and I just couldn't find the time then but now I should have the time to either update weekly or daily even. From, Basic-Hater.**_

Sollux awoke with a heart-stopping jolt, thanks to the 18-year-old Mituna jumping onto his bed. The older boy was obviously very pleased with the fact that he had both woken and scared his brother at the same time. "I got you! I got you good!" After slurring out his words the boy preceeded to laugh so hard it knocked him over.

"Yeah...You got me, Tuna..." Sollux took a moment to steady his breathing and blink the blurriness out of his eyes. He looked back over at his clock, immediatly starting to panic when he saw that the time had passed 6:02 and was now 6:45. which just so happened to be the time he needed to get up to attend the hell hole called school. Quickly, he basically flung himself out of bed and onto his feet, nearly face planting in the process. He threw on his clothes, grey jeans and a random band shirt, tripped down the stairs and threw himself out the door to race time to catch the bus. Now, one would think that because he had long legs he could run rather fast but you would be wrong, he spent 90 percent of his time inside his room in the dark. Plus he had dropped out of his PE class as soon as he possibly could. Sollux had just reached the bus right as the doors were sliding shut, sure his cheeks were bright red and he could hardly breathe or talk but hey he made it!

He scanned the disgusting seats of the bus of anyone he knew and saw that there were exactly two people that he knew. Eridan Ampora or Gamzee Makara. Fish dick or stoner clown. Neither one would be one of Sollux's first choice but hey, you get what you get right? It took the bus driver snapping his sausage fingers to bring him out of his mental debate about who to sit with. After making a decision he tromped to the back of the bus to buddy up with the stoner clown, or in the clown's own words; Get down with the clown.

Gamzee always sat in the back of the bus, of course when he wasn't driving his expensive car to the school. The entire Makara family was EXTREMELY wealthy and could basically do whatever they wanted whenever, which meant that both Makara boys had people constantly sucking up to them. As a prime example when he walked down the aisle the back of the bus there were many different girls constantly touching him, and also stoners who wanted him to buy them expensive shit that could blow your mind. Funny thing about Gamzee was that he didn't even see it, he didn't see that these people were trying to use him for things that they wanted. Sollux stopped in front of some kid who's knees were in the way of Sollux getting to Gamzee. "Who said you could sit back here? Yeah no one." The kid snorted like he had said something clever and had seriously burned Sollux. The comment made him sigh and snap his fingers until Gam looked at him.

"Well ain't it my tech-wizarding bro! Come sit your ass down here." The tall boy exlaimed, a dopey grin four miles wide spreading across his face. Sollux cast a glare down at the gatekeeper boy who moved his knees almost as soon as Gamzee had spoken fondly of him. He dropped his things then plopped into the seat next to Gamzee, letting a sigh escape. Gamzee could almost feel the stress radiating off the twig of a boy, "Hey my bumble bro, do you need a motherfucking second?" He had leaned in close to him and was whispering to him, dropping his voice lower into a more soothing octave. "I would absolutely fucking adore that.." The words came out sounding like the air hissing out of a balloon. Sollux knew that Gamzee had little to no issues with showing physical affection to his friends but it still came as a little bit of a surprise when Gamzee wrapped a long gangly arm around Sollux's shoulders and pulled him into a cuddle/hug. Sollux would normally say some excuse halfheartedly before pulling his way out of the grip, but today, he was just too tired and stressed to fight it and just let himself relax into the taller boy. He expects Gamzee to smell of weed and possibly even BO but no, he smells like the crust of a pie, and some faint expensive scent, there is just a tad of a trace of weed smell though. Oddly enough, he finds the smell oddly comforting, it makes his chest feel tight and warm...the way Aradia made him feel. Suddenly he is lost in memories of her, unlike with his late night dinner it doesn't make him cry uncontrollably but instead makes a small smile bloom on his face.

Sollux doesn't have a tight enough grip on where he is and who he's with so without really thinking he nuzzles into the messy curls that shrowd Gamzee's neck. The taller boy just grins and let's Sollux snuggle him, "You take your motherfucking time unwinding and getting your chill on.." Gamzee purrs and smiles at the skinny boy buried in his mop of hair. The other passengers on the rocking bus stare at first but stop really caring about it after a minute or two, they aren't gonna kiss so what's the point of watching or saying anything. Plus, what if Gamzee is gay or a super gay activist? If they say something and it comes across like they think being gay is wrong there could less of a chance that he'll feed their addictions.

Soon enough the bus ride end and everyone has to get off so that the driver can back to whatever it is he does when he's not driving the bus, Gamzee smiles when he notices that Sollux had fallen asleep and decides against waking him so he just, ya know, scoops him up. In his arms. Bridal style. This gets much more a response from other students once they are off the bus and people start whispering, things like, "OMG! Is he hurt?" and "I absolutely knew those two were gay from the get go it was only a matter of time!" The words reach Gamzee's ear but he's not really listening, and of course Sollux doesn't hear them because, ya know, he's asleep. Gamzee only starts to wake him when he reaches the table with their actual friends. But it is not Gamzee that wakes him, but the one the only; Karkat Vantas.

"What in the incredible squirming fuck happened? Gamzee did you get him fucking high?" Karkat is a small ball of pure unbridled rage most of the time in public, in private he still curses but is a little more soft towards people he knows well. "Nah, I just let this motherfucker get his chill on and he up and went to sleep on a motherfucker." Gamzee sets him down once Sollux starts spewing curses and demanding not to manhandled like a baby. "Nice to see that you decided to actually fucking show up, though you look like shit. When was the last time you slept through the night or ate?" Karkat is the soccer-mom of the group, he makes sure that Gamzee doesn't skip out on meds, does wrist checks on Eridan and keeps Sollux fed and halfway sane. In return they all make sure he doesn't run his mouth and get himself beat up. "I slept last night and I ate before then as well, jeez don't worry so much KK." Sollux rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. Karkat and Sollux have been best friends since 2nd grade when Karkat transferred from some fancy private school. Eridan soon joins them, he too looks terrible. I mean shooting two girls does that to a guy.

Eridan was only allowed back to school because daddy Ampora is the second richest man in town, the first being the mother of late Feferi Peixes, and was able to pay the school plus Eridan constantly had a security guard following him around, just in case is what the school said even after his year in a phych hospital, plus being checked off as good by all of his doctors.

The morning seems like its going to be migraine free until the ghost of his dead girfriend comes sweeping into the commons bringing the smell of burnt sugar and decay with her...

 _ **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH CLIFF HANGER MOTHERFUCKER. I honestly adore this chapter because its all sweet then boom dead aradia come to fuck with ya. Warning the next chapter might have a little bit of horror in it. I'm also debating writing a fluffy Gamollux fic or an angsty Eridan fic..I don't know yet though! Please give me your feedback! I live for it! ~From Basic-Hater**_


	4. Halloween gimic cover band

_**Okay. I have returned for this weeks chapter, which I am writing right in the middle of my tech class. Now, I'm sorry about the cliffhanger that I left you clinging to for the weekend. I hope you had a good halloween and if you don't celebrate it then I hope you had a pleasant weekend!**_

The smell was the first thing that hit Sollux, it was brutal and made his head hurt. The smell was of rot and burnt sugar, she never smelt like that before she went missing before she always smelt like cinnamon and sleep. It made him gag, the bile jumping up to burn his throat away so that it could spill out all over the table. She was horribly disfigured, some of her fingers looked as if they had been torn off carelessly. Her jaw, or what was left of it, was twisted to one side with two nails meeting each other in the middle of her mouth keeping what could be assumed to be the rest of her tongue there. Brambles had grown up her arms and had a vice grip on her torn up maroon sweater. Her eyes were open and lifeless, what used to be lively redwood brown now looked like a watered down color they would use for a crayon titled "Hot Mocha". Her hair had been ripped out of her skull in several places leaving bloody scarred patches of scalp out in the open. Many things were wrong with the girl, if she could even be called that, that stood by the doors of the school and there were no words to describe how that made Sollux feel.

He wanted to cry, scream, or run away with doing both of those things but she kept his attention there no matter what he tried to do to pull it away from her. When Aradia began to move towards him it was a mess, she obviously hadn't used those limbs in quite some time which made her gait awkward and slow, much like a zombie. Sollux knew that she was coming for him, he knew that she was going to drag him down in the cold, hard earth with her in a permanet embrace of death. Did he want that? No. He loved her very much, and still did love her very much but letting this thing that was supposed to be her would mean that he had to believe that she was dead and not just hiding out somewhere trying to find her true self, which he promised himself that he would never do. Sollux didn't know that he had been standing up staring at nothing with his eyes glassed over, he didn't hear Karkat calling his name somewhere off in the distance or the fact that every couple of seconds he would let out a strangled gasp for air, he never felt Eridan pushing on his shoulders trying to get him to sit back down again. He never knew about any of those things in that very moment, because all of his senses were focused on Aradia who was only a table away from them now.

Sollux scrambled away from the table and sprinted off in the direction of the only place he knew she would never follow him, ghost/zombie-thing or not; the weight room. Aradia had detested the weight room when she was alive, not because she didn't like physical education no but because of an EX-boyfriend of hers who just so happened to be a little bit of a gym rat. His name was Equius Zahhak and they had only dated for maybe a month in their freshman year. He had become obessed and weirdly possesive of her, so she broke it off before it got to be too much for her. Equius had always been strong but it was only as of late that he had started to intentionally work out his strength. Sollux knew that **IF** she were dead that her spirit would not follow him there because of the bad energy that surrounded that place.

"If you are looking for a place to be noisey and obnoxious I request that you find somewhere else to do it." Equius sighed when Sollux burst throught the old metal doors in front of the weight room. He had set up a bench press and had put about 150 pounds on it. Nepeta Leijon, Equius's best friend and shadow, was his spotter and smiled when she saw who it was who had caused the racket. "Oh! It's just Pawllux, Equihiss!" She also had a thing for cat puns. She smiled at him, Nepeta always seemed in a good mood and he had never seen her in a bad one. "yeah, it's just me.." Sollux murmured softly, he spun around in one full circle making sure that no one had followed him into the room. He was completely alone, other than Equius and Nepeta.

"Sorry for the noise, just, came to work out..." He lied through his teeth, "Ya know..like I do." Sollux shrugged and began to walk further into the weight room.

"Captor you don't work out. I'm in here every single day and I have not once seen you here." Equius huffs as he continues to lift with Nepeta standing right there. He watched him for a little bit, looking to the clock every once in a while. They still had half an hour until the bell rang and he would be able to hide in the crowd of sweaty bodies so that Aradia or his friends couldn't find him because he knew that Karkat was going to throw a bitch fit when he next saw him. Soon enough Equius racked the weight and they moved on to the middle of the floor for him to do squats. Nepeta stood in front of Equius so that she could count them and ya know press a small kiss to his lips everytime he came back up.

That small action surprised part of Sollux but the other part of him totally saw it coming, I mean they were together all the time and they always seemed to be touching in someway or another. He was happy for them and he hoped that Equius had calmed it down with the whole stalker thing because Nepeta deserved someone to make her happy and give her everything she wanted. Sollux felt out of the place watching them having a sweet moment so he quickly walked out of the weight room and had justed started to think about where he was gonna go to keep his mind safe until the bell rang. That was until he saw said girl that he had been running from, her twisted face inches away from his face.

He screamed and backpeddled himself into a corner. Up close the smell of her alone was enough to make him throw up the breakfast he never ate onto the hallway floor, which he promptly did. Her dead eyes seemed to follow his every movement. Sollux stayed in his bent over state, staring down into his own puddle of bile. If he screamed loud enough he knew that Equius and Nepeta would come running to see what the hell had happened, that or a teacher who was close by would instead. "You aren't real...It's all in my head.." He hissed to himself under his breath.

Sollux let his eyes dart up expecting her to be gone but instead his nightmare of a day turned into a NightTerror of a day because there wasn't just Aradia standing there but two other girls he had to take a second to regonize. Kanaya Maryam and Feferi Peixes in all of their terrifying glory.

Sollux couldn't formulate a thought as to what exactly he was seeing but since I'm the author of this story I sure can. Feferi Peixes had been shot twice before she had died; once in the stomach and once in her knee. Blood dripped- No, poured from those points. She was wearing the fuchsia gown that she had been burried in and lets just say that her entire body was in much better condition that Aradia and she arrived with the smell of cloves and blood. Now, Kanaya Maryam was also shot. Four times. Three of the bullets had entered her stomach and exited through her spinal column. One shot had enetered through her left hand, where she had held the knife that she had tried to take the shooter, our own Eridan Ampora, down with. Eridan had tried to disarm her but the bullet missed and so he just carried on shooting. She too was wearing what she had been burried in and together those three made one hell of a group. Hell they would make a killer halloween gimic cover band. Sollux was about to scream again but apparently Aradia had guessed that he would so she pressed a truly putrid hand to his mouth, the smell was so strong that he not only threw up again but it made his eyes water.

She just stood there for a moment with her now vomit covered hand over his mouth. If she were an actual being she would've maybe laughed or growl but since she's not really an actual being all she did was stand there and stare. Soon all of the girls would holding some part of him, their hands like ice. Sollux had been right, they were going to pull him down into whatever hell that they suffered in and make him suffer along with them. So, Sollux screamed. He screamed for all that he was worth it came out distorted and muffled to him but to the rest of the world it rang out clear as a bell. They all released their grip as the sound of thudding footsteps started to grow near to them. Then he blacked out and fell to the ground, which would cause him to have one killer headache when he woke up.

Now, Equius had heard the scream and came running right after he did, just as Sollux had thought he would. Him and Nepeta found Sollux in a large pool of what seemed to be his own vomit, he wasn't just laying there but he was having a seizure. Equius had been briefed on what to do if Sollux had a seizure, along witht the rest of his fith grade class. Quickly he kenlt down and pulled the convulsing boy into his arms, sticking his fingers into his mouth and keeping Sollux from swallowing his own tongue. "Nepeta, go get help." She was gone faster than a weeabo could post a rant on a youtube video about how Hentai is art.

Equius noticed that among the smell of bile there was the lingering stench of death in the air...

 _ **Well then. I honestly love shipping Equius and Nepeta in something more that pink, I just think that it's really adorable! Anywho, have the next chapter in this constant shit show of a story!**_


	5. Loose lips sink ships

**Okay** _ **wow this chapter is very very late. And I have a reason as to why this chapter is so late. I was out of town and where I was had little to no wifi and my laptop won't connect to the internet via cord. And when I got back I had to jump right back into school because finals are a thing and I needed to scramble to even get halfway ready. I am sitting in my math class and I have just finished my final for said class so Now I will write this chapter then move onto other things that need my attention. Also, I might write a short songfic about Eridan but I have no clue at the moment.**_

* * *

 _S_ ollux woke up with a killer headache and a sense of overwhelming confusion. Last thing he remembered was that he had been gotten sick in the hallway after he was harrassed by his dead girlfriend and a couple of her dead friends as well. As much he didn't want to face the fact that she was actually dead there really wasn't any denying it at this point any more. Sollux had seen what he was currently calling his ghost and that made his heart hurt. He had always held the hope that she was alive and holding out somewhere but he was starting to thing that she had been kidnapped and then killed, the person who did it probably just threw her body into a ditch somewhere without even giving her a single chance of survival. Thinking these horrible thoughts made Sollux unreasonably angry and sad. It made him remenber right after she had been reported missing and how being told made him feel. Completely lost in feelings that he never quite understood. Before he had a chance to make these thoughts cease he felt a hot tear rolling down his pale face. He hadn't cried when he found out, he hadn't shed a single tear but now there's a unstoppable fountain of hot tears pouring from his eyes. Suddenly he can't stop all of these thoughts from bombarding his mind, things like 'I wonder what her last words were? Did she think of me or her family? Was she in pain? Did she suffer badly?' There were so many open endings to what had happened to her and all of them made Sollux want to scream as loud as he possibly could to just shut the thoughts and voices up for one damn second so that he could at least get his bearings, I mean hell he didn't even know where he was! So he did. He let out an ungodly scream. Of course as soon as he did the nurses that had been at the desk and passing through the hospital hallway heard him and came busting in. The nurse was a tan woman with blonde hair, the tips of it dyed a bright pink color. Her name tag said _Roxanne Lalonde._

He stopped screaming after a moment and let himself take a few very deep breaths so that he could get everything back in a form of order. Though the voices had stopped screaming what had happened at him he still couldn't stop the tears that streamed down his face and the sobs that made his skinny frame shake. Roxanne placed herself down next to him and wrapped an arm around his thin shoulders. "Did you have a nightmare, honey?" Her voice was soft and like that of how a mother would soothe a scared child.

"u-uh..yeah..." Thats what he wanted. He wanted this whole experience just to be a bad dream so that he could wake up and Aradia would still be alive, he could call her up and they could talk through this whole crazy dream then he would feel better. But no, this was real life and you can't wake up from real life and have everything just be better. It doesn't work like that. Instead of being asleep in his bed dreaming the whole thing he was sitting on a uncomfortable bed with a nurse who's last name is extremely familier comforting him about the nightmare that happened to be his life. Speaking of Roxanne, she frowned slightly and rubbed his back gently. "I'm sorry...Would you like me to call your family?" She offered. Sollux wasn't sure if he could handle Mituna in his fragile state of mind, but seeing his dad would probably help his aching heart.

"Just my dad..." His voice was rough and scratchy like he had either been talking too much or not enough. She nodded, patted him on the back one more time and left to make the phone call to his dad. After she left he decided to take some time to actually collect his thoughts. Or at least the scramble that was left of them. 'I'm in a hospital. My family isn't here with me. He had no clue how long he had been here. He was hurting very badly.' Yes all of those things are very very true.

Finally after waiting for some time the nurse came back with a small smile on her light pink painted lips. "Your dad is on the way, he's very happy that you're finally awake." She went about checking that everything was okay and that meant checking the stitches that were on the back of his head. "You hit your head really hard. Knocked yourself out and cut yourself on something." She informed him of why he was in the hospital in the first place and what had happened to him in the hallway, "Not to mention that your body temp was extremely low. It was about the same as a dead body. We all thought that there was fifty percent chance that you weren't going to make it. Never seen a parent more torn up and hurt in my entire time working here..." He stopped listening to her rambling and briefly wondered how she hadn't been fired for releasing that much information. Becuase you know Loose lips sink ships. Sollux could vaguely hear her talking about how to care for the stitches but wasn't actually listening to a word that she was saying and was instead letting his mind wonder off to other things. Like wondering how long he had been out cold and wondering if his had had sat next to him, held his hand, and cried like in those tear jerking movies that his dad seemed to always be watching after his husband died.

Sollux honestly felt like garbage for showing that he was even a little bit unstable. That was what Mituna did not what Sollux did. He liked to think of himself as the one who was the shoulder to cry on for his dad and be the one who knew what is was like dealing with all the deaths and helped out with Mituna when he was throwing a major fit. But now he felt like he had left his dad to handle all of the hard stuff on his own and that he was just causing him more stress than fair. But of course he didn't know that his dad would never consider either one of his boys weak. The captor men knew what they had been getting into when they adopted Mituna and even more so when they brought Sollux home. They had wanted a family and they had gotten exactly what they had wanted, so he would never blame Sollux for hurting himself just as he would never blame Kurloz for what happened. Mr. Captor was a very understanding and kind man who never held any grudges. Sollux of course forgot that fact sometimes and then he would feel shit about stuff that he's said to his dad or done that he has never meant.

It took about twenty minutes for his dad to arrive at the hospital and when Roxanne was told that he was waiting in the lobby her and Sollux promptly made their way out to the lobby to meet him. Sollux had never seen his dad looking the way that he currently did. He looked like maybe he hadn't slept for a day or two and that had instead spent that time crying his brains out. Which Solluc hoped hadn't actually been the case. His dad launched forward and wrapped Sollux in a rib breaking hug and released a sob when he did it. "Oh god Sollux...I thought...They told me.." He didn't seem to be able to make the words come out how he really wanted. Instead he just let himself hold his son for a minute and then sign the two of them out. "Let's go home." He walked out with an arm around Sollux so that he couldn't slip away. The car ride home was filled with a relieved silence and the couple of times his dad would look at him to make sure that Sollux was actually there in the car with him. They arrived home eventually and Sollux was honestly a little excited yo be able to rest in his own room and bed.

He took the climb up the stairs slow and just took his time to look around everything in the hall before entering his haven. Now, he would have just flopped down on his bed if there weren't a red eyed Karkat sitting there scowling at him...

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 _ **TBH I had so much trouble writing this chapter the way I wanted it and had to rewrite it like four times. But now it's finally done. I already know how I want the story to end and let me just tell you it won't be a very happy chapter at all. But that will be in a few more chapters once I bring a few other things to a close. Also I promise to start trying to update every week like I had promised before.**_


	6. Rage snake

_**Alright, so I'm back with chapter six. I have decided that I want to write a fic like this one about Mituna so that everyone has the full story on both of the Captor boys. Also! I want to clear up that Mituna was not born with a mental disability but instead was in a car with Kurloz, and Muelin with Kurloz driving and they crashed,**_ _ **So that's why they're the way they are and thats also why I mentioned Kurloz the way I did last chapter! Sorry for any confusion that was caused :D 3 Also! I picture Mituna and Sollux having epilepsy so that could also explain why he was having the seizure!**_

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Karkat looked liked he had been dragged through hell and back while wearing shoes made of hot razorblades, and that was because he was only told that Sollux might die. He had darker bags under his eyes and boy had he been crying. Sollux was one of the closest people he had that made life even somewhat liveable. So when he came walking through that door you could almost hear the sound of his heart struggling to glue itself back together again. "You fucking lispy son of a cocksucking bitch." His voice was gruff as it always was but much more quiet than normal, "You have no clue how worried I was for you do you? Of course you don't." He scowled at Sollux and wrapped his arms around himself tightly. Karkat and Sollux had been friends since the start of middle school and had always been there for each other when needed. So the entire experience had been a whirlwind of pain and being uninformed for Karkat.

It was odd for Karkat's anger to be quiet, his anger was normally loud and everyone knew that he was pissed when he did get truly angry. But Sollux knew that this wasn't anger, it was the fact that he actually cared for him and really did want to make sure that he was still being the dumb hacker he always was. He just used the anger as a hard shell to keep his not so gruff side hidden away from the world that could hurt him. Sollux and Gamzee were the exceptions. He had let Sollux see the soft underbelly that was truly him. He let Sollux see the Karkat that cried over sappy scenes in romcoms and the Karkat that just about purred when you pet the right parts of him. The only other person who had seen that was Gamzee. Sollux had been there for him when Terezi broke his heart to date some asshole DJ. And Karkat had been there for Sollux when Aradia had gone missing. It had always been that way and neither one of them would enjoy a change. Back to whats actually happening now though, Karkat slid off the bed and stood at a "towering" 5"0. Sollux was 5"9 so he had to look down to look into Karkats dark brown eyes, which were full of different emotions that he couldn't quite place as they searched around Sollux's face. "Solluxander Captor. You're going to sit down and tell me what the fuck happened on Monday and explain to me why I had to suffer through this goddamn week the way I did."

Sollux sighed at the use of his full name but did what was asked of him anyway and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Well, If you must know KK, I fell and hit my head." He gave the non-insane version of the story of what had actually happened. Because even though they were best friends he didn't think that Karkat would fall for his crazy. "yeah uh-huh like I'm going to believe that crock of shit story. They found you in a pool of your own vomit having a seizure. Thats not just 'I just fell and hit my head', Sollux." In moments like this it's easy for Sollux can see how Karkat and Kankri are brothers.

The Vantas-Leijon family truly was a strange bunch. You have Father Vantas and his disciple wife. The two met while the Father had been traveling through paris to work with another church. She fell in love with both him and the message that he was spreading. She already had two children, Muelin and Nepeta Leijon. But the Father also had two children, Kankri and Karkat Vantas. They were married soon after Karkats Tenth birthday and for the longest time he hated her because now there were two other people that had his dads attention. Kankri grew to follow after his father while Karkat left the church as soon as he had the choice. Though they were a strange group of people Sollux had never been in a house that was so kind and accepting.

Sollux hadn't noticed that he had been zoning out until Karkat cleared his throat loudly to get his attention back again. "If you're just going to stare at me like a fucking idiot I'm going to shit a rage snake right here on your fucking floor." Karkat growled at him from his spot in Sollux's gaming chair.

"Jesus KK, gimme a sec." He sighed, "I threw up right before I had a seizure because I thought that I saw AA's body..." He murmured while scratching the back of his head, wincing when his fingers went across the stitches. He had a sinking feeling that Karkat was going to laugh at him or some shit like that but instead of laughing he just sat there and stared at him. "There. You told me. Was that so fucking hard that you had to get your panties in a twist about it?" Karkat didn't seem too changed on the outside but on the inside he was thinking about what he was supposed to do other than be the shoulder for his friend to cry on. Karkat knew that Sollux had loved Aradia very much and had just about shattered when she had been reported missing, he had expected to peel Sollux up off the floor of his shower but he hadn't really expected to hear that he had apparently seen her dead body in the hallway of the school. Though the story was crazy and anybody who was in their right mind would laugh it off, Karkat wasn't going to do that to a friend who was very obviously suffering.

"I know that this thought probably didn't cross your energy drink addled brain but did you tell your dad?" He knew the answer before Sollux even opened his mouth, he didn't. I mean why would he? It's only his mental and possibly his physical health on the line, no big deal right?

"He wouldn't believe me if I did tell him, KK. Plus, I don't want to put him through more trouble that I already did today." Karkat hated how low Sollux put himself on the foodchain sometimes. Without Sollux, Karkat wasn't sure where he would be. Eridan would have been hanging from the rafters in his attic and Gamzee might have over dosed by now or been put into prison. The four of them all worked as equally hard to keep each other alive and all there. But when one wheel falls off the wagon the whole thing will tip.

"Sollux you must think that I'm going to let you fucking suffer if you think that I'm not going to do something about that. I may not know what in hells half acre I AM going to do but I know that you aren't leaving my side until you're better. " Did he know how he was going to help Sollux get any better? Nope, not a single clue. But that wouldn't stop him from trying. Becuase thats what friends are for dammit. "But right now you look like comeplete and utter shit." Sollux really did look bad, he looked tired and like he would rather be dead than anywhere close to this conversation.

Apparently he had failed to notice that Karkat had his backpack sitting on the floor, now this wouldn't have been so weird if it weren't saturday evening. But there it was anyway, living its life as a poor abused bag that was thrown around all the time. Karkat noticed him staring absently at the bag and sighed, "I brought the best movies on the planet, so we can both rest easy for once." When he says the "best" movies on the planet then you can bet on the fact that about 90 percent of them have either Sandra Bullock or Will Smith in them. But Sollux wasn't in the mood to fight against his choice in movies so instead he threw himself down onto his bed, rolling to the side slightly to wrap a blanket around himself. Though the blanket was pulled over his head he knew that Karkat was pulling out "Miss congeniality" and tainting his DVD player with it.

Though he was beyond happy to be back in his own home resting, he just couldn't shake the feeling that _something_ was wrong...

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 _ **I just now remebered that I am allowed to use the italic font in the actual story and not just the notes. It's snowing a metric shit ton here and I have basically nothing to do, so you can expect at least two more chapters to be written. Thank you to those who are still reading! And remember I do read every single review so if you have a question about something in the story then that would be the place to ask it, I do have a tumblr though. It's just not the most happenin place because I rarely get on it for two long. You can follow if you would like though, my handle is: Ladyhotpockethands.**_


	7. It gets kind of Gay

_**Hi there! Luckily for my poor feet it has stopped shitting down snow. But Theres still about 5 inches out there so there is no way in hell I'm going outside anytime soon. I'm thinking that I'm going to write ten chapters for this but I might not if I want the story to flow into the ending that I want it to have. I keep going back and forth on what I really want the ending to be. I have an idea for a nice ending that would be harder for me to write or something that would be incredibly sad and be equally hard for me to write. I would like your input on what you think I should do**_

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Sollux was woken up by both the smell of weed and Gamzee's deep chuckle. When he sat up, still groggy with sleep, he noticed now that instead of just shouty mcnubby sitting in his room sir stoner clown had joined him. Sollux had never known Gamzee when he wasn't high as the empire state building and had always been told that it was better that he didn't know him when he wasn't high. Apparently there had been an accident a couple of years ago that severed the tie between Gamzee, Equius, and Nepeta. But, he had never asked about it because when he did ask about it Gamzee seemed to zone out and seemed almost like he had been having a war flashback, as strange as that sounds. Gamzee had always been a strange character. People almost seemed unnerved by his personality and the way he spoke. He spoke with a voice that was made of dark satin but the words he used were was rough as steel wool.

Sollux had been unnerved by him the first time that Karkat had introduced Gamzee to him. They had been sitting at their table Freshman year, then Karkat had come walking up with Gamzee in tow. Even back then he was a mess of long limbs and no grace. It had also looked like maybe he had never seen or been introduced to a hairbrush because his dark curly hair had been a mess of knots. Though now Gamzee still held onto parts of his past self, he had changed in apperance. Now though his hair still wasn't neat, it wasn't ratty. His long limbs had since filled out with more muscle and had tanned from a sour cream white to a smooth caramel. Plus, he had gained a few more tattoos and piercings than he had then. Sollux had never found out what had drawn Karkat to Gamzee. Other than the legend of the tongue piercing that could do amazing things to male or female. Sollux was more than 90 percent sure that both Eridan and Karkat had had intimate nights with Gamzee but frankly that wasn't any of his business so he never really focused on it too much.

But anyway, lets get back to the actual story. Gamzee had joined Karkat on sollux's bed but had replaced the Romcom that Karkat had most likely be watching with some horror movie that had to do with clowns. That was another thing about Gamzee, he had a weird attraction to all different sorts of clowns. Other than Insane Clown Posse that is, he hated the band and couldn't stand the music that they made. Sollux thought that it was strange that Karkat had even let him get close to the DVD player with that kind of film. Karkat hated scary movies and anyone who wanted him to watch one would have a hell of a time convincing him to watch one all the way through, other than Gamzee of course. They soon noticed that Sollux had been sitting up, thinking about their past for about twenty minutes.

"Well good mornin my bi-colored babe." Gamzee smiled a lazy half smile at him before turning back to Karkat who had ensconced himself in one of the many blankets that were stashed around the room. "I see that you have succeed in making KK uncomfortable?" Sollux asked, while cringing at how rough his voice sounded. He needed a shower and a toothbrush before he felt that he could probably interact with the two boys that were in his room. So thats what he got up to do. Sollux walked to the door with a pair of clean sweatpants and shirt in hand and went inside. He wished that the bathroom had a lock but knew that with Mituna there couldn't be any locks on any doors other than the front door. Sollux cranked the water to the highest heat setting he could and undressed.

He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror and wasn't pleased or displeased with what he saw there. Yes, he was still as skinny as stick and had been that way since middleschool. Yes, his eyes still didn't match and strangely he didn't honestly care in the moment. Sollux felt like everything was moving in hyper slowmotion. He lost where he was for a second and felt so heavy. Then everything came running back to him in a rush of steam and pressure. The weight of everything felt bone breaking and he had to catch himself on the sink or else he would have fallen, which would have probably landed him back in the hospital. There was so much stress and so many questions that probably didn't have any answers, that it was like an brick of concrete dragging him down into an ocean of his own confusion and sadness. He wanted to run. He wanted to run as fast as his bony limbs would carry him. Sollux had never felt this degree of pressing sadness, he assumed that this is what it was like when he last his dad all those faded years ago but of course he would never be sure of that. Deciding that he had spent too much time on letting his feelings crush him he step into the boiling water. It stung almost immediately after the water touched his skin. It was an unyielding and unchanging pain that made him feel wonderfully numb. There was no Aradia, Kanaya, or Feferi to hurt him here. There was no way that he could cause his dad to have the look of a kicked puppy on his face as he watched his son drown in his own sadness.

Here, in the safety of the steam clouded shower he let his guard down and, in a sense, let the hot water warm his soul. Sollux thought about what his soul would look like, assuming that humans did really have souls that is. Maybe it would look like static or those ghost things from the movie "Spectral". Maybe it was a ball of his favorite color, and it was a grouping of everything that Sollux was as an entire being. He let the water roll down his face, shoulders, legs. He let the droplets fall from the tip of his pale angular nose onto the white of the bathtub. For one second he felt like maybe the worst of it was over, maybe he wouldn't have to live in fear of seeing his girlfriends broken ghost again. In retrospect he knew that there was a fair chance that he would see her again, and even at that point that wouldn't be the last time that he saw her. Maybe this whole haunting thing would go on and on until he died and was with her again. There was somepart of that thought that let part of the constricting tightness around his heart loosen a little bit, the fact that he would be able to spend his time with her in the afterlife was a warming sentiment. Before he knew it the water had gone lukewarm and his knees were ready to bukle under him from standing with them locked like that.

Sollux blinked a couple of times to fully bring him out of the moment that he had been having and shut the water off, continuing to stand in the slowly drying tub. He stood there so long that he was almost completely dry and Gamzee had come to fetch him from the bathroom. "Hey, motherfucker, Karbro told me to come get you before he left and to make sure that your bloodpusher is still all up and pushing." His voice sounded almost far away, but Sollux nodded and pulled himself out of the shower. He grabbed his towel and began to very slowly dry himself off. He knew that Gamzee was still standing at the door, listening for any indication that Sollux was still there because his call had not been answered. "Bro..If you don't respond I'mma open up this sauna.." Sollux knew that he would open the door, Gamzee couldn't careless about seeing his friends naked. Sollux mumbled something that sounded kind of like "Okay." before pulling on the clothes he had brought with him to the bathroom.

When he opened the door Gamzee stood there against the wall, obviously waiting for him to actually come out. They made strange eye contact and it was like Gamzee understood what was being felt. Whenever someone in their little group of freaks felt off or sad Gamzee always seemed to mentally connect with them in a way that only the Makara's could. Without uttering a single word he knelt and scooped Sollux up bridal style, he must have seen the weakness that hid behind Sollux's eyes. "Come on brother." His voice was low and his arms strong. Gamzee was the only person Sollux knew that could even come close to Equius. Though he had never seen Gamzee work out, he was much stronger that Equius anyway. He brought him to the Captor's living room where Mituna sat on the floor with Kurloz, they were playing Mario Kart. Gamzee sat down on the couch and kept Sollux in his lap. Something about being like that made Sollux want to sleep again.

So, he pressed into Gamzee and let his eyes flutter shut to the sound of Mituna's cackle once he won...

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 _ **DONE FINALLY. wow that took me so much longer than I had wanted it to jesus christ. Anyway, I do want your ideas about the ending. :)**_


	8. NOTE

_**Hi there! So, you guys are most likely expecting me to write a new chapter. BUT! I have decided that I am wearing myself down by forcing myself to write during the holidays. So the story is on hiatus until January 2nd. I love writing this story but I am stressing myself by writing and trying to go back and forth between cities for family. Also, thank you to the user who suggested the grammar thing. I will most likely run my story through something like that from now on! Last chapter was lacking on correct grammar because I was incredibly sick when I wrote it, but really thank you! :)))))**_

 _ **Anyway, HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! :D**_

 _ **(PS Anything I post will be my own writing with my own characters that I write at my own slow leisure)**_


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